Parenting continues after separation

Communication is important

Children learn an enormous amount about communication from observing the way their parents interact, and this is particularly true during a separation.  Even silence sends a powerful message to your children.

This is a time when it can be extremely difficult for parents to talk, and when your children need to feel safe, secure and protected.

Different ways to communicate

The following are some tips on how to communicate with your ex during this difficult time:

• A communication book can be used by parents to write down information about their children.  The book usually travels with the child between homes. 

• Some parents use a parenting app, that can be downloaded onto your phone.  The features of such an app can include; sending messages (whilst filtering inappropriate or abusive messages), photo sharing, coordination of calendars, cost sharing trackers for child related support and costs. Copies of your communications are stored in the app and can be made available if needed at some stage in the future.

• If there are difficult issues that need to be discussed, an appropriately qualified professional such as a child psychologist can be very useful.  They can help you focus on the needs of your children and can guide parents to make decisions together. Such issues may include:-

  • Schooling;

  • Discipline;

  • Extra-curricular activities;

  • New partners, or changes to the family make up;

  • Living arrangements

• Some parents catch up regularly and have a coffee to discuss their children.  A café can be a neutral place to catch up while the children aren’t around. You should agree only to discuss the children and any issues relating to them. 

Things to remember for successful communication

Regardless of the way you communicate, parents must:

• Be polite, respectful and neutral, this means remaining calm and restrained;

• Only raise matters relating to your children, be child focused;

• Make requests, not demands and reasonably consider all requests made;

• Meet regularly, if safe to do so;

• Try to understand what the other parent is saying, even if you do not agree.

If you would like more information, please contact us for a free 30 minute appointment.

By CE Family Law